This is not my ceiling
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
