What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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