you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
