My brain says no but my pants say off.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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