i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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