pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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