sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
