The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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