I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
