shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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