i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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