I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
