There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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