i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
