Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
