I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize