wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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