You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
