I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
