you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Enjoy the penises
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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