A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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