and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
