she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Floor bacon is actually really good
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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