I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
