omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
