it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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