I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
