i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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