I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
