hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
