I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize