so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
