I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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