I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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