You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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