Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
