If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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