Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
