I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
