i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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