i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize