Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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