And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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