Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
