Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
