After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
