Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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