Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
