I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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