if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
