Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
