apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
