Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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