i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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