im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize