Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She told me I should be a condom model.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize