i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
