just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
