she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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