3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
