Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
