Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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