Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
