Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
