Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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